question marks ?

what can you do if someone who break your heart
is the only one who can fix it ? THE ONLY ONE.

*sighs..

damn !
i sat back and ask myself.
"Am i only befriend with you when we were in a relationship?"
i am damn stressed out!
As i lost you as my " bestfriend " , i feel like losing everything!
i felt very very awkward to be friend with anyone else!
no one understand! no one !
i do have friends. but deep inside , no one can be as flawless as you
when it come to listening to me and cheer me up!
serious SHIT arrrr.......
i don't even know how to get to know new people. even girls.
i feel very awkward to talk to guys...
who should i blame that i became this way....
i can't chill.
i'm not happy mingle around with anyone....
i'm not happy to do anything...
i faked every of my smiles towards everybody!
i faked the happiness inside my heart..
sial la.
sumpah bodoh.
i dont even know if i want to feel it as an unfinished business or what?
it's hanging like hell la..
is this a karma to me?
the best thing is i just can say that,
this is a pengajaran dari Allah s.w.t yang Maha Kuasa.
i have to believe that everything happened for a reason.
Semoga ada hikmah disebalik apa yang terjadi ni, InsyaAllah .

Finally...

I really feel empty lately . It never felt like broke up, it felt like losing the half of myself.
i lost....
A shoulder to cry on.
A diary to write secrets.
A pair of ears to listen to my childish whine.
A punching bag to release tension.
A bunch of happiness.
Tons of entertainment , and laughter .
I peek in my social networking account.
I peek in my phone for almost 3 times per minute even it is not ringing at all.
So, i tell myself to stop. Enough.
Then,
I train myself to be tough n evil.
I close every inch of happiness to sneak in my heart.
I deny my eyes to cry.
I deny my heart to miss.
In fact, i live alone in a very spacious room now.
I feel really2 EMPTY.

Ya Allah, dekatkanlah hatiku padamu Ya Allah..
Amin..

Deactivate !

It was undeniable that facebook is such a great social networking !
It is much contradict with the era of friendster and myspace which only used by
teenagers and some adults. But facebook , come on ! who dont have it?
Even professional institutions crete one for them ! people do buissness , get along with old friends,
wedding invitations , What else...... it is also a place where two people who was in a relationship had to hide their relationship so that in won't spread out ! why ? i don't know. just to be humble kottt...
whatever . it is also turn to be a place where we seldom get misunderstading with our partner. so,be careful lovebirds ! what the hell man ? it happends to me. so,i'm currently deactivating my facebook account. coz ' it became an issue to fight with him xpasal2. xpe lah ! the end.

i hate durian. i can't stand the smell. other people would says mengada2 ar malay people xmakan durian, tp sumpah i mmg xsuke. 3days ago..out of nowhere i feel like tasting just a little bit of the king of fruit, durian. 3 hari jugakk la dok ajak kumbang pg bli dian 2.....mcm2 hal la pdahal ade je org jual durian depan uitm 2,xpe lah u....
in the end..i go find it myself with my friends.they enjoy it a lot. but i finish only 1 small piece of it with tears in heart... u never be by my side when i want you....thank you sygg . i can't felt anything much that sad..

MY CRYING BLANKET.

Lately ni i ada new activity....which is nangis dalam selimut tebal. Because i juz can't spit it out!
i can't tell other people about my feelings..but he's not there to listen.. if i tell it out, things will go round other way. misunderstandings. fed up la.. xmampu nk tangung alone,can't share with him, can't tell other people, can't post truth in blogs...hhere, i just feel like write it out since it just cannot come out from my mouth straight a way. i stuck here. i stress. i pissed off. but i love him. n most important , i'm writing while crying in my blanket.

kumbang!

L, its very obvious ok? its you! ONLY YOU!