question marks ?

what can you do if someone who break your heart
is the only one who can fix it ? THE ONLY ONE.

*sighs..

damn !
i sat back and ask myself.
"Am i only befriend with you when we were in a relationship?"
i am damn stressed out!
As i lost you as my " bestfriend " , i feel like losing everything!
i felt very very awkward to be friend with anyone else!
no one understand! no one !
i do have friends. but deep inside , no one can be as flawless as you
when it come to listening to me and cheer me up!
serious SHIT arrrr.......
i don't even know how to get to know new people. even girls.
i feel very awkward to talk to guys...
who should i blame that i became this way....
i can't chill.
i'm not happy mingle around with anyone....
i'm not happy to do anything...
i faked every of my smiles towards everybody!
i faked the happiness inside my heart..
sial la.
sumpah bodoh.
i dont even know if i want to feel it as an unfinished business or what?
it's hanging like hell la..
is this a karma to me?
the best thing is i just can say that,
this is a pengajaran dari Allah s.w.t yang Maha Kuasa.
i have to believe that everything happened for a reason.
Semoga ada hikmah disebalik apa yang terjadi ni, InsyaAllah .

Finally...

I really feel empty lately . It never felt like broke up, it felt like losing the half of myself.
i lost....
A shoulder to cry on.
A diary to write secrets.
A pair of ears to listen to my childish whine.
A punching bag to release tension.
A bunch of happiness.
Tons of entertainment , and laughter .
I peek in my social networking account.
I peek in my phone for almost 3 times per minute even it is not ringing at all.
So, i tell myself to stop. Enough.
Then,
I train myself to be tough n evil.
I close every inch of happiness to sneak in my heart.
I deny my eyes to cry.
I deny my heart to miss.
In fact, i live alone in a very spacious room now.
I feel really2 EMPTY.

Ya Allah, dekatkanlah hatiku padamu Ya Allah..
Amin..